Mom,

1. you have always loved me
2. even when I was finding my way
3. you kept me safe
4. but gave me wings to fly away
5. you were active in my school when I was young
6. so you were always aware of what was going on
7. you gave me boundaries so I knew what was right
8. but always allowed me to put up a good fight
9. when I would struggle, I knew you were there
10. always with a word of care
11. when I was in need, you came right to my side
12. even though I often pushed you aside
13. my choices were mine, and for this I say thanks
14. even though you often knew I might tank
15. there were times, I knew, my priorities weren’t top
16. but I know your love for me never did stop
17. I grew and I grew and finally did flee
18. and for this, I am sure, you thought “Yes!, I am free!!”
19. our distance was separated by miles and miles
20. but when I knew I would see you, boy, would I smile
21. You said to my man, “Come into the light”
22. and when he didn’t run, I knew it was right
23. and through hard choices and turns of my new adult life
24. you were there to listen to all of the strife
25. as the time drew near for my own motherhood
26. by my side the whole time, with love you stood
27. and when my sweet son, and later daughter arrived
28. you were full of great joy and lovely sighs
29. you listen and knowingly chuckle as I say “I will never”
30. and always stifle the laugh when I say “why did I ever”
31. you taught me to love, to be the best I could be
32. and always had faith in me being me
33. for this I am grateful and want to say

CHEERS TO YOU ON THIS MOTHER’S DAY!

This was too cute to not share with the world.  While I was working at Jackson’s school, I came across a fairy tale book titled CinderLily.  So, of course we had to check it out. 

As you can see below, all of the scenes are done with pressed flowers on black velvet.  This happens to be something that Tom’s grandmother, Grams, has done for years.  She is truly masterful with it, and she enjoys doing it and it keeps her busy.  So I ordered a copy on Amazon and sent it to her after Tom told her about it recently.

She received the book last Wednesday, and my goodness she got right to work reinterpreting it.  The kids each received one in the mail yesterday.  Below you can see them.

Today, I brought them into the school to show the librarian and she was amazed.  Then, while having lunch with Jackson’s class, they told me that their story reader for today was out sick, so asked me if I could read before dismissal.  I agreed and decided to bring the book and cards in to show the kids and they were also amazed.  Several of them have decided to go home and start collecting flowers and create their own pictures.  I hope I have a chance to see some!  Hopefully, they don’t trash their mom’s gardens in the process!

Direct quote from my husband regarding dinner for tonight.  I had a county planning committee that I went about our neighborhood…long boring story for those that don’t live here.  Anyway, whipped this up before I left and stuck it in the oven with some rosemary potatoes, a microwavable bag of snap peas and left.

I guess the kids wolfed it down too.  So Jenny, this is here for you, because I know you are always looking for easy.  Mom, you can probably do it in a crockpot.  The rest of you, yes, I know you have all seen it on Pinterest and most of you have pinned it, but it is soooo good.

Super Yummy Chicken

Do you ever have one of those weeks where all of the individual parts of your life seem to converge upon each other in one cataclysmic explosion that creates a black hole and sucks you in for the ride of your life?  Welcome to the last week and half for me.

Let me give you a visual of how I am starting off this blog:

This my friends, is ruby red grapefruit vodka mixed with pineapple strawberry agua fresca…so good, like I am in the islands still.

So….last Sunday, after a trip to Costco, I started preparing food for Tom’s division’s journal club that we were to host on Wednesday night.  Think book club for physicians, only not good beach reads, rather journal articles dealing with pulmonary blah blah blah or critical care whatever.  But at least I made it my goal to have amazing food.  Set out to create a latin fiesta.  I was told to plan for 20-25 people.  Remember this number, it’s important.  I shot for 30 because I wanted some leftovers and we usually have dinner with the neighbors a couple times a week so figured this would be good fare with Cinco de Mayo upon us.

Here’s the menu for those who want it:

Braised Beef Shortribs Barbacoa

Green Chili Chicken  (this is the chicken from the won-tacos)

Corn and flour tortillas for filling up big and fat tacos

Chili Cheese Rice Casserole

Chili Rellenos

Refried Crockpot black beans (yeah, no fat and so good…huge shoutout to my Momma for this one!!)

Homemade salsa and guacamole

toppings: pickeled onions, jalapenos, angel hair cabbage, sour cream, and cheese

Drinks:  homemade margaritas (Tom has THE BEST recipe) and pineapple strawberry agua fresca (from 3 pineapples and 4 lbs of strawberriers)

Dessert:  Tres Leches Coconut Cake (baked individually in jars) and topped with caramelized pineapple, mango and papaya

Yeah, I know, I might have taken on a bit much there, but anyone who has EVER eaten at my house knows there is always enough food and plenty of variety…that’s just how I roll.

The journal club of course was not scheduled until Wednesday night, so why the big jump on it you ask…well, here was the rest of my weeks “big projects” in addition to the little stuff that comes along, and routine life.

• The book fair started at Jackson school on Monday and I was set to help with that most days of the week including all day Wednesday and Thursday.
• PTA board meeting Monday night (did I mention I am the new secretary….oh, and we are starting a fundraiser for the school that allows parents to preorder back to school supplies in a kit to be ready for pickup on meet the teacher night…all teachers have to be on board and it is time critical to get the lists in by Wednesday to get order forms ready for step-up night)
• Piano lessons for Jackson
• Soccer practices for the last week on Tuesday and Thursday
• The last game of the soccer season was Saturday and the photographer who was scheduled to take pictures of the kids at their last game had a conflict so I had less than a week to find a photographer not booked already for the first weekend of May, you know peak wedding month in NC
• Book Fair Wednesday night from 5-7 for families (why yes, that is the same time as Tom’s department would be arriving)
• PTA meeting at 6:30 Wednesday night (this also coincides with both Tom’s journal club, and book fair
• Jackson scheduled to get 4 cavities filled and a sealant placed on his first permanent molar Friday morning.  4 cavities, 4 corners of his mouth, and a 4 hour appt with laughing gas and a numb mouth.
• Last day soccer games on the fields

So that about gives you a glimpse of the week.  I felt relatively comfortable Sunday afternoon with my progress and overall game to get through the week.  Especially with my plans for Wednesday.  Roo would come help at book fair with me and Pix was going to go down the street with the neighbor who she ADORES.  Check!  I am can be a successful multi-tasking, take it all on Mom!

Cue Lily, waking from her 4 hour nap (this is never a good thing BTW) with a RAGING ear infection.  Ugh, this is going to slow me down, as she prefers to be carried everywhere and never leave my side when she is sick.  But as that super prepared Mom, I got this covered.  Our other child, has fully prepared me for this.  Thanks to Jackson’s chronic ear infections, I have the anti-inflammatory, antibiotic drops, and we get her going on those.

The PTA board meeting Monday was very successful, not only did we make good progress on our agenda, but on the way home, I happened to mention the soccer problems I was having with finding a photographer to one of the other PTA board members who lives in the neighborhood.  Her husband had just worked with a woman who volunteered an entire day to shoot low income families at no cost and offered to reach out to her.  Unfortunately, she was unavailable,  but had a friend who was!  Hallelujah we have a winner!  Lisa Kelley of Raleigh and her partner Lindsey from Charlotte are LIFESAVERS!  We had a photographer and life would be good as long as I could find several board members to help control traffic on Saturday am while pictures were taken.  Afterall, we were throwing 2 photographers who have never shot for us before into the lion’s den of 26 teams and almost 200 kids ages 2-12 for 3 hours.

And then the other shoe drops.  THE MOST DREADED SOUND YOU WILL EVER HEAR IN THE MIDDLE OF THE NIGHT: “Mom, I just threw up all over my bed”  Sure enough, Jackson had come down with the stomach flu, on Tuesday night.  AKA…18 hours before the most over scheduled several hours of my most recent life.

The quarantining and clean up of vomit kept me busy most of the night and almost to lunchtime Wednesday.  Jackson wouldn’t be able to go help at the book fair, but instead would be banished to our room to watch TV while Tom had his meeting.  Fortunately, all worked out, and after 12 intense hours for Jackson, he felt better and went to school on Thursday.

So you know those 20-25 people I cooked for for 3 days intermittently while battling ear infections and stomach flu?  I walk through the door to find 8, that’s right 8, people sitting in my living room.  And we ate nothing but the above menu until last night, and so did the neighbors….  I might be ok if I never look at another taco again.

Friday was fun and early for us.  Jackson had to get up and eat a big breakfast because he wouldn’t be able to eat at all for the rest of the day until his mouth was 100% back to normal since they were doing both sides of his mouth.  Smoothies and milkshakes for lunch.  This is not a “downside” for a 7 year old.  When you are told you can have any smoothie or milkshake you want for lunch, you will buy into anything.  Including nitrous oxide and Novocaine.

Me: Jackson, they are going to give you some air to make you goofy.
Jackson: oh, like surgery
Me: yeah, but you won’t sleep, just get goofy
Jackson: I am goofy already
Me: you will get goofier
Lily: oh!, and Goofy is very tall
Jackson!!
Me: you won’t get taller
Lily and Jackson: (disappointedly)  oh…..

Below are some of the comments that 7 year olds make when they are stoned:

Jackson: hey mom!! There are 2 if you!!! (After the nitrous started flowing)

 

Nurse: we are going to put this bite pillow in your mouth.

Jackson: that’s ok, I have one already, see? (Biting down)

Nurse: No, no, no!!! That’s your tongue!!!

Jackson: oh, it got big and fluffy!

 

Jackson: Hey, you are holding my hand (to the nurse)

Nurse:  Yeah, I am, I’m right here

Jackson: Like you are my girlfriend…

Nurse: Am I your girlfriend? (teasingly)

Jackson: Hey Mom!  My girlfriend can drive!!!

Jackson was such a trooper.  It was scheduled to last 4 hours because they figured it would take some time, but here he is just chilling and going with it.  It only took 2 hours and then he wanted to get right back home to change and go to school!  Amazing.  Doesn’t hurt I think he got to rub it in his classmates face that he got a smoothie for lunch and they didn’t…

Lily hung out patiently the whole time.  She built this little fortress for herself and sat and colored most of the time.  Tom suggested that we keep her locked in a fort most of the time.

Several things to note about this picture.  She color coded the pyramid.  In no way did I encourage or suggest this.  I am so proud of her!  Also, it was at this point I realized this new thing she does.  It is hard to tell, but she is using markers as little people climbing the stairs.  She has stopped referring to colors by their names, and instead by the princess they represent.  For example, “Mom, will you hand me Belle?”  translates to “Mom, will you please hand me my yellow marker?”  Here is what I have decoded so far so you know the next time you sit down to color with her and she asks for Rapunzel.

• Pink: Aurora
• Yellow: Belle
• Blue: Cinderella
• Purple: Rapunzel
• Green: Tiana
• Brown: Mulan or Pocahontas, she changes  (I assume this is not based on skin tone, but rather the dull costumes)
• Red: Ariel (counterwise, not based on her costume, but her hair color)
• White: Wedding Cinderella
• Black: Those Bitches (This I am deducing means “those witches” from Wizard of Oz)
• Orange: Jackson’s fito coder (Jackson’s favorite color)

So, we are now to Saturday.  Which in a word was EXHAUSTING.  None of the other board members were able to help with photo lineup and organization so I ran between 2 photographers and 8 impatient teams at a time trying to get everyone organized by height, age, who was taking individual pictures, who had a referee at the games, who was late for their game, etc.  I thought I might fall down at one point, but made it through.  Thank God by nature I am, as I was dubbed at age 2, Director of Everything.  It allowed me to shout at upwards of 100 people at a time as to where they needed to go and what they needed to do.

We got home and crashed Saturday afternoon and had a great time with all the neighbors Saturday night.  Tom demonstrated his manliness by heading out into the woods and cutting wood with a chainsaw for the firepit.  He has declared he wants one now.  Thank goodness Chris, next door, said Tom can borrow his anytime.  The 2 of them also headed out to see Iron Man 3 with the masses and the woman down the street.  Then back to our house for pizza, our one meal in the last week that didn’t revolve around the fiesta food.

Sunday morning we decided to have breakfast out for Mother’s Day a week early and went to one of our favorite places nearby that offers a brunch.  Jackson was skeptical, but ordered off the adult menu (something we got him started on while we were on the cruise and he has taken to, it keeps him from eating chicken nuggets and he is more open to try new things).  He chose an enormous plate of Blueberry French Toast with Vanilla Anglais. Below is a pretty accurate representation of what he looked like eating it.

Nope, we didn’t catch him in a blink.  His eyes are dropped and he is moaning at how good it is.

And, he didn’t eat for 9 hours….

But, even with all the crazy, the week was a lot of fun as a family and we got to decide and do some neat things.  Tom’s Grandma, Grams, as we call her, used to send Jackson worksheets with lots of activities and stickers.  Lily got her first one in the mail now that she is 3 and she LOVED IT!  Below is her completed one.  She didn’t want to write the numbers because in her words “I can’t draw the letters very good yet” But we have had a lot of fun looking and matching all of the stickers.  Thanks Grams!!!  Keep them coming, she is hooked!

Jackson received all green (his teachers way of tracking behavior) for the month of April.  This is a huge cause for celebration as we have come close, but never completed a month without a yellow day in the course of his education.  I am hoping his celebratory gift of Art2-D2 Guide to Drawing comes today.  He just finished reading Secrets of a Fortune Wookie, the 3rd book after Origami Yoda and Darth Paper Strikes Back.  I caught him Sunday night long after he was supposed to be in bed with all of the books splayed out on the floor making all of the hand puppets from all of the books.  The 4th book Jabba the Puppet comes out in August…won’t he be surprised to open the mail that day!  And for those of you who aren’t Star Wars fans (because the fans are thinking, that is so cool) you are probably thinking, OMG, that guy is making a TON of money.  True story….the series was the first books to sell out at the book fair, followed by everyones favorite Sideways Stories of Wayside School set.

Finally, we decided to travel for the holidays.  We almost never travel for Thanksgiving and Christmas and are really excited to be with family for both this year!  We will be running in the 5k for the memory of Tom’s cousin, Austin and are really excited to be a part of the huge turnout.  Plus!  We get to have a white Christmas!  So stoked.  When I told Lily today about going home for Christmas (we were inventorying the holiday books in the library, calm down people, I’m not turning her into a super planner…..yet) She said, “Oh, Grandma and Grandpa have a hot pool, so we need to brings our suits, and they have rocks and flowers.  Oh, I bet they will have a Christmas tree.  But not Santa, I don’t like that guy.”  Nice to see that somethings stay the same, even when the rest is getting sucked into the dark black hole of life.

First off, let me start with a photo.  I came out of the house to find Jackson laying on the front porch finishing his second, yes second, chapter book of the day.  He loves to read, and now that he is firmly into chapter books, he just reads and reads and reads.

Ok, so since my last mid March post, life has spiraled out of control and for the first time in my lift, I feel like I am just hanging on for the ride.  This may come as a shock to many, especially my husband and mother, who think that I have a plan for everything, but alas, I let go, stopped planning, ran with what life gave me, and have decided that you all who do that are CRAZY!  Life is so much easier with a good calendar, lots of highlighters to keep it all straight, and a contingency for everything, and I mean everything.  For example, if I am murdered or die a strange death, I do NOT want Keith Morrison, aka the creepy guy, to do my Dateline story.  Plan for everything.

So, some catch up on where we have been and what we have been doing.  After my last post, which followed our whirlwind trip to Arizona to visit Tom’s grandmother and she passed away, we regrouped with a quick couple of weeks at home and set sail on our fabulous Eastern Caribbean cruise on the largest cruise ship in the world, the Oasis of the Seas.  No joke, this ship is amazing!  It had a central park with actual real growing trees, a synchronized diving show, a carousel, you name it, they had it.  4 different deck pools, 22 restaurants, and ice skating rink, zipline, manufactured wave pool for surfing and boogie boarding.  Seriously, try and think of something and this 19 story mammoth of a ship had it!

First of, we set sail with my mom and dad and had adjoining rooms with a shared balcony and it was like heaven.  The kids had a blast running between the rooms and it was nice to have them near to touch base and the beginning and end of the day for plans.

Our first stop was in Nassua, Bahamas and our little group split up.  Jackson and I went on a shore excursion with Mom and Dad out on a catamaran for about an hour and we set up over a reef for some snorkeling.  Jackson thought the catamaran was the best adventure.  I can still see his wind swept salty hair blowing as he sat at the bow watching the water.  He was a little less adventurous when it came to getting in the water.  The cove was quite choppy and he was a little alarmed at getting in without touching and letting the waves take him.  He has had a snorkel and mask for 2 years now that he plays with in the swimming pool, so he was familiar with that, but the anxiety of crashing water was too much for him.  At least he gave it 3 good tries, decided not to give up on snorkeling entirely, and had a blast otherwise.

I  love this photo below of Jackson and my dad.  I think that at heart, they are best friends.  Jackson could sit with him and not say a word but just “watch the world go by” for hours.  Lefties together forever!

While Jackson and I were out, Lily and Tom went on a glass bottomed and walled submarine to check out the marine life.  Lily still talks about all the colors of fish that she saw on her adventure with Daddy.

Next up, kid swap on our shore excursion in St. Thomas.  Jackson and Tom had a great adventure on a kayaking, hiking, beach snorkel outing.  Jackson geared up and has decided that he is a kayak lover and snorkeling is much easier when you can get your feet grounded in the water and swim out first.

Lily and I had a fun trip to a sea life sanctuary where we saw all kids of sea life.  The stingrays were really neat, but the sea turtles were the most amazing.  After that, we headed out the one of the pristine white beaches with clear aqua waters and spent the afternoon building sand castles and playing in the water.  Such an amazing time with my little girl that I will always remember.  I love watching my kids on the beach, for some reason, sand makes for perfect memories.

Last but not least, St Maarten, where we explored a butterfly farm and garden with Mom and Dad and the kids, and then headed to the French side of the island where it rained.  Not the best of explorations, but fun none the less.  Plus, Lily picked up a nice little rainbow dress, which she insists on wearing often, and Jackson acquired a proper walking stick which has become his new favorite hiking accessory.

The best part for Lily I think for the whole trip, well, for both kids actually, was getting to dress up every night for dinner.  Lily had 7 different nice dresses that I had been collecting through the year when they would go dirt cheap on clearance, and Jackson got to wear his suit and tie.  A sampling below…I wish I had gotten pics of them each night, but oh well, I enjoyed the moment instead.

I am not going to lie, the first 4 days, mostly ended with Jackson upset that everyone oohed and aahed over how cute Lily looked in her dresses and how she was a princess….Super side note, on the first night, Lily kept lifting her dress way up high (think “I see London, I see France, I see Lily’s underpants” high).  It took us a bit to understand that she was holding her dress like a princess.  Let me explain, I princess will hold her dress with either one hand out to the side, to pull it up off of the ground, or with two hands gently raised in front.  This is how a proper princess behaves, we have been told, and she is consistent with walking this way with EVERY dress.  If I was a better Mom, I would have gotten some cute shots of her climbing stairs, but alas, all I got was this one kinda from the side photo (with the boys checking out the telescope above the bridge of the ship in the background)

Anyway, where was I, oh yes, Jackson was in a tizzy about all the compliments that Lily was getting, like out right pouting, stomping, and crying.  He just didn’t understand, and the Tom had one of the greatest paternal “ah-ha” moments of all.  He explained that boys clothes are boring, and that no one compliment boys because there clothes are so boring (except for Tom’s purple mod tie, he gets compliments on that ALL THE TIME!).  Alas, Jackson spent the last three days telling Lily anytime she was complimented “Lily, they say that because you look like a princess and my clothes are boring” and he was totally ok with it.  Below he is looking like a perfect sailing gentleman though.

Jackson had a great time on the ice skating rink.  It was one of the things that he most wanted to do, but it wasn’t open very often for open skate because they had an ice show that was done to some Hans Christian Andersson’s fairy tales, very cool, but they wanted to keep the ice nice for the show.  On the last sea day, Jackson got his chance.  He was hesitant at first.

Then got the hang of it.

And finally, was adored, as usual, by his sister, whose feet were just too small for skates.

We had a great time hanging out on the deck around the pools too.  Lily’s favorite was a playground pool with lots to climb on and working water guns that unfortunately could also shoot at the parents in deck chairs.

Jackson thought that the “whirlpool” was the best.  It was basically a huge over-sized fish tank with a current and glass walls that the kids loved to play in.  When he wasn’t in that, he was almost guaranteed to be in a hot tub.

Lily also has become one of “those girls”.  You know the ones, that huddle under 15 towels because the beach is too cold for them.  She likes to wrap up, put a towel over her head and just chill.  Look for her outline under the towel, she would sit like that for an hour!

By the end of the trip, well, by about day 2 actually, the kids were thoroughly exhausted.  Here are some pics of them passed out in the cabin of the ship.  Yes, that is Lily hanging off of the bed completely asleep in the second picture.  I have no idea how long she was like that before we woke up, but she stayed that way for at least another 30 minutes after I took the photo.

We got back late the night before Easter, and the next afternoon we had an egg hunt with the neighbors.  Lily felt it needed to be a formal affair.  Jackson was cool with whatever.  At any rate they had a lot of fun, and were relieved that the Easter bunny didn’t skip us just because we got back so late.

Once recovered from our fabulous trip, life got serious with soccer.  As we near the end of the season, I am grateful to have to healthy active kids who love to play, and ability to be active in there journey.  But man am I looking forward to having my Tuesday and Thursday afternoons and evenings back and my Saturday mornings once again unstructured.

The kids have made great strides though.  Lily is very protective of her ball and is an assertive player, just like her brother, and has a lot of fun.  She can even name for you all 14 kids on her team if you ask, and tell you which ones are her friends, and which ones are just kids.  Yes, the hierarchy of who we know and how they fall into our lives has begun.  I hope I can survive the next 15 years with her.

Jackson has really become a great defensive player and is already starting to talk about when he can be on the travel teams.  I don’t know if my life is ready for that, but hopefully by then, Tom will be done and we will be more able to help schlep around.

I  love this picture below that we got today of the kids playing after Lily’s soccer game, before Jackson’s started.  We actually should have left already and got entranced in the conversation we were having with friends and looked up to catch this.  One of the moments that makes your heart sing as a parent.

Some of our other goings on have been mostly centered around the house, school, and fun.  One afternoon, I decided to build a fire pit.  Kinda impromptu, although I had been mulling the idea around for quite sometime.  Tom was gone for the weekend, and I asked the teenage boy who lives next door if he wanted to help.  This is our result.  It holds a mean fire!

We also got furniture for our screened porch.  I feel like a real southerner now that I have an outdoor living space.  It isn’t finished.  We need to rescreen the sun shade, the outdoor rug hasn’t come yet, and I am going to make more throw cushions out of the bolt of fabric sitting on the couch, but so far it is a comfortable start that we have taken great advantage of.

Jackson has been quite busy at school.  He had a field trip to the planetarium and got to partake in one of the science experiments.  They also had an Earth Day play that was super cute.

Lily is definitely getting into arts and crafts and for the most part, has stopped coloring on herself.

Note the rainbow colored handle on the umbrella.

Lily has been having fun playing with her best friend Braden from next door.  I was able to capture this quick photo of them having a snack in the box fort they played with.  She of course is wearing one of her cruise dresses, because why not.

So that, wraps it up for now, and I think gives you all an idea of where we have been, and what we have been up to.  Life is settling back into a routine now that I have ditched the “roll with it mentality” and am back to scheduling life for sanity’s sake.

Today was the first day in a long, long, long time that wasn’t jam packed with activities, events, travel, life and loss for our family.  My kids have been so exhausted they slept until 11am.  Granted, that was including the time changed, but for real.  My kids went to bed at 8 (sleep at 9) and slept for a full 13 hours.  I didn’t even think that was possible!!  That is what tired kiddos look like.

So, backtracking three and a half weeks. Sadly, Tom’s grandmother was diagnosed with metastatic stage IV lung cancer on Valentine’s Day.  She had been in pain for a long time, and is now resting in peace.  This started the pace for the last several weeks.  Suddenly, we were ready to start taking a trip to Arizona to visit her, and the rest of the family, on very short notice.  What an exhausting trip it was too…we left after spending 5 hours on the soccer fields, a 2 hour car drive, and a dinner time take-off followed by 8 1/2 hours of air travel.  Ugh, needless to say we were exhausted, before the hard part even began!

We were glad that she was able to return to her home several days before we arrived.  This was what she wanted, and we were glad to see that she was comfortable.  What a spark she has always been.  Her death was on her own terms and was as sparky as any could be.

When we arrived, she was still rather with it and the kids enjoyed spending several days with her.  Jackson was terrified to see her, but once he did and realized she looked as he remembered, there was no fear, just fun.  He was excited to see Tom’s aunt as well.  He kept asking, “Is Carolyn going to be there, she is really funny!”  For my usually shier one, he took a liking to the pair of them right away.

On our third day in AZ, Tom’s grandma took a turn and we could tell that she was preparing for death.  We had spend several days laughing, creating stories, and sharing memories.  After her nap one day, she woke disoriented and more vacant.  The next morning the “death rattle” started.  We knew it was coming.  I have to say, death brings out the very best and the very worst in all who are around it.  There are moments that will make me smile forever.  I am glad to have spent the whole day with her on her last full, good, lucid day.  It was a hoot and she kept calling it “ladies day”  There were also some of the most tragic, ugly, horrible, cruel moments of human nature I couldn’t even have created in my wildest dreams and hope to never experience again.

This is the first grandparent that Tom and I have known that has passed.  It was definitely an experience that has allowed us to decide what we want, and what we absolutely don’t want with our own journey.  Also, lung cancer is a long, ugly, death, and for Tom, who has seen a lot of respiratory death, he claims this was the longest battle he has seen.  She fought for 72 long hours before finding her peace.  Always a spark, and not ready to go.

Fortunately, we have a lot of family in Arizona, so the kids had ample time to visit with all of our family and had some fun nights with their cousins while the grownups tended to illnesses.  I say this plural, as Tom’s other grandmother had a brief, but ultimately, scare with her health.  At one point both Tom and I, as well as his parents, were split across town. Huge shout outs to my cousins Chris, Megan, and Courtney, who I always knew would repay the love of me taking care of them when they were little, and provided my kiddos with the love and fun they needed.  Also, my mom, who is always there for me, no matter what or when I need it.  You are the best!  And Grams, for her cookies that kept us contented and warm on sugar the whole way home.  Glad you are doing better and we were glad we got to spend a morning with you!

Back home in NC, it has been great to finally shake the winter off and get back outside moving with the kids and having fun.  They say that North Carolina is the southern part of heaven, and yesterday and today couldn’t have been a better demonstration.  Gorgeous Carolina blue skies, with not a cloud in the sky, 65 degrees, and slight breeze.  After arriving home about 10 hours before we needed to on the soccer fields, we headed out to both kids games.  Poor Lily, who caught something while in AZ and has been febrile, coughing, and on occasion vomiting for 5 days, pleaded to go home, and Tom relented.  Jackson’s team had one of the best games they have ever played.  They are usually down by quite a bit.  The other teams have bigger players, and lets be honest, most of them have coaches who have played the game.  What I lack in skill, I hope to make up with fun and enthusiasm.  Anyway, they played one of the top tier teams and at one point were even up.  This was the team we played last last season and lost to them thoroughly 17-2.  Yesterday, my kiddos held their own with a score of 7-9.  Jackson said as we were leaving that Gramama must have been watching us from heaven and helping him block the ball from going in the goal.

On some brighter less exhausting notes:

We traveled for a week to AZ and Lily made it in underwear!  Just 4 accidents, and they all occurred in the same 2 days.  They happened to be the 2 that I was most consumed with Gramama and stopped checking on her as much.

Jackson was a dream to travel with and was so helpful.  He even helped keep his sister calm and made her feel better when she was sick in AZ.

Costco is a disaster on Sunday’s at 1.  I will return to my usual Tuesday at 10am trips.

Hook is just as good a movie with your kids, as it was when you were a kid.  Both kids are thoroughly transfixed by it and Jackson readily cheers on the lost boys.  Lily is confused as to why Tinkerbell has red hair and doesn’t wear green in the movie though.  Marketing works….way to nail the secret Disney.

That’s all for now…sure to be more as my brain settles back into normal.

The other day I was walking to the park with a friend after all the kids had gotten off the school bus.  It was a beautiful day, unseasonable warm, and not a cloud in the sky.  The vast majority of bus riding families (and those who aren’t too) were ambling towards the neighborhood playground.  Abruptly, Jackson turned and headed back to the house without a word.  He knew where we were going and to be fair, I can see my house (or at least the roof and side) from the park.  Lily was already there with our neighbor and I was enjoying a brief catch up with my friend who I haven’t caught up with in awhile. I turned to her and said, “I wonder what he’s doing.” and we continued on our way.  When he still hadn’t returned several minutes later, I asked if she thought he would be ok, and when she didn’t respond, being one to not push her thoughts on others, I said, “eh, he’ll be fine and knows where we are, but I’ll probably get Mommy slapped for it.”  She knew exactly what I meant, chuckled, and we started a conversation about independence and learning in children.  How they grow, explore, and become comfortable with their freedom.  Sure enough, about 10 minutes later, Jackson emerged with a wagon filled with cardboard tubes he had collected around the house from wrapping paper, and proceeded to luge down the hill to the park in the wagon.  I do mean luge…like the Olympic sport.  He was safe, happy, and excited to share his bounty with his friends.

I found this to be oddly comforting.  I remember asking my mom as a young child if she cried on my first day of school, when I graduated, had basic milestones, etc.  Her reply was always the same,  ”I raised you to grow up and become your own person.  This is part of your journey to that.”  It wasn’t until my children started this journey of their own that I fully understood my mom’s words that seemed so callous as a child.  On Jackson’s first day of kindergarten, I remember thinking “Hooray!” followed by “what do I do with this other one all on my own.”   Many of my other friends have experienced sadness over “their baby growing up”  For Lily, moving out of her crib wasn’t emotional, it was a step in the right direction that she was getting bigger and independent.  I will even admit that I stole a play out of my mom and dad’s playbook and allow my kids to get up on the weekends without me, turn on the tv or whatever it is they want to do, and make themselves breakfast.  I get the extra sleep and they get the autonomy that kids don’t often have in their lives.

Standing around at the playground, the talk turned to how we protect out kids.  We live in a growing community that has a lot of construction.  The most common concern I hear from my neighbors and friends when discussing who lets their kids to what, is “there are so many construction workers, I’m not comfortable letting my kid do ____.”  To me, this is subliminally, if not outwardly racist.  While the majority of the construction workers are Hispanic  I don’t believe that makes them any more or less likely to kidnap my child, rob my house, not slow down for traffic crossings, etc.  In fact, there are plenty of neighborhood residents who speed in their cars, my self included on occasion.  While the sheer volume of traffic may be a hindrance in letting your child walk close to a mile to the bus stop, the type of traffic shouldn’t be.  There are many who have seemed surprised in my allowance of Jackson to walk several blocks to see if his friend can play.

There are instances of bullying and foul play that warrant parental intervention, but more and more, I am finding that kids are willing and encouraged to report even the smallest infractions to anyone who will listen and ask that something be done.  What happened to letting the kids work it out if it isn’t major.  They will work through it or decide they need a break, it might even be they decide not to be friend anymore.  That is life, and are we doing our children a service, by shielding them from these options or ordeals far into their development?  My belief is that childhood, while it should be happy and enjoyed, is also a place to make guided mistakes that foster growth and understanding in a safe environment.  My analogy on this is similar to when my kids where very little.  Jackson and Lily both were read to from the day they were born.  Stories with picture, words, and snuggle time.  With Jackson, often people would say, you read every day to him?!?  And my response was, when is he old enough to start reading to?

When are they old enough to start saying “no” to?  When do we correct baby talk?  At what age do we encourage a walk to the neighbors alone?  When do we allow them to chose to not do their homework and suffer the consequence of no reward in the classroom at the end of the week?  How do they learn to stand up to bullies, peer pressure, and people they would rather not be around if we never set them free to do this.

Granted, our guidance is needed.  There are non negotiables  In our house you must wear a seat belt.  We don’t play with guns (real or pretend).  You must wear a life jacket when on a boat, and sun screen is mandatory.   Teeth are brushed and hands are washed.  This contributes to the health and safety of the family.  I argue though, are they mentally safer and stronger when they enter middle school without having learned to negotiate a disagreement with a friend or discipline from a teacher or coach without parental interference.  I actually had a child on my soccer team last season, whose parents requested that I not correct unacceptable or unsportsmanlike behavior and that they would take care of it “if they saw it” after the game or practice.  That’s right, a coach who is asked to not coach.

I was reading today and came across this article about rough play being good for boys.  You can find it here.  This made me smile a bit.  My child is usually the one that the other parents look at as the rough one, the instigator, the out of control one.  I will admit, Jackson is busy, active, smart, and loud.  This combined with minor ADHD can make him difficult to observe or be around at times.  He will likely be the first to suggest a game of light sabering with sticks.  He will almost assuredly be the one who says “hey guys, look at this” and then do something stupid, and on impulsive moments, he will throw, hit, or snatch something away before he has time to process.  More often than not his playmates report this, without a universal attempt to correct issues, compounding the problem.  Jackson has not a mean spirited bone in his body and feels shame for what he does, and the act of reporting makes it worse for him.  Consequently, upon intervention from his peers and parents, it is often discovered that there was a quiet instigator.

Ah, the quiet instigator.  I am familiar with this.  I was the child who would stand at my brother’s bedroom door as a child and taunt him until he kicked a hole in the door.  Or would unleash on him verbally or physically.  What wasn’t always seen at the time though was what he had said under his breath, or done under cover that prompted this.  The mean spirited act of sometimes riling up the loud explosive one, just to see them combust, and slink away the quiet victim.

These are the ones that give him the most trouble, and it is their parents that I struggle with.  When you want to say, c’mon, your kid started it, let them work it out and stop coddling them.  Or really, mine can’t be that bad, or you want to say to your kid, just don’t play with them anymore.  Since when is it taboo to let your child decide they made a bad choice of friend and they can move forward and find a better match.  How do we learn to have a break up with a boyfriend, if we have never experienced it with a friend.  Yes, it is painful, but it isn’t lethal or terminal.  I think it is time to collectively allow our children to stretch their emotions and capabilities in safe spaces to better prepare them for adulthood.

I was relaying a story about Lily on the phone to my mom yesterday and she made a comment that stuck with me.  She said, “when you spend enough time with someone, you know exactly what they mean.”  I had been telling her the story of when we were driving over the weekend.  Lily spontaneously said to me, “Momma, what’s that thing you are looking at?”  Innocent enough of a statement; however, I knew she meant “Can we play I Spy?”  She and Jackson had been playing it earlier and she was ready for another rousing game.  Tom looked at me dumbfounded.  How in the world did I get “Let’s play I spy” from “What are you looking at?”

These occurrences happen often in our house.  Lily or Jackson will say something,  mean another, and without missing a beat I am able to pick up on it.  Sometimes I don’t even realize the hilarity of it until I am telling my mom about it or there is someone there who can’t keep a straight face through the exchange.  It’s not the the kids set out to be funny, it’s that they have limited context and words to explain their situation.  My favorite is a little anecdote from when Jackson was 3.

We were living in Minnesota and it was just starting to get warm in the spring.  As a leap of faith, and at his insistence he was a big boy, I let him play in the driveway and garage while I was inside working on dinner.  I left the door from the house to the garage open so he and I could hear each other, and depending on his location, I could see him.  He was having a lot of fun with his new found independence, mostly throwing piles of snow out of the garage and pushing a shovel around.  I had become complacent enough to not panic when it got quiet.  This is never a good thing…ever.  I was on the phone with my mom (yes, this happens near daily), and all of a sudden Jackson is screaming.  I quickly ran outside and he was holding his hand.  Here is the exchange that followed:

Me:  What happened?

Jackson: I hurt myself with the hammer

Me: (looking around assessing the situation I see a hammer that hangs on the wall above the lawn mower on the ground)  What where you doing playing with the hammer?

Jackson: I wasn’t.  I was trying to get the saw.

My mom:  laughing so hard on the phone I thought she was going to pee her pants

He of course was simply trying to explain that in his quest for the saw he hurt himself, but it is a statement that you never expect to come out of your 3 year old’s mouth.

Recently, Jackson started watching a neighbor’s dog in the afternoons.  We walked down and he let the dog out.  I had a quick errand to run in the neighborhood to drop something off at someones house.  He wanted stay and play with the dog, so I left him and told him I would return in 5 minutes.  I returned to an empty house.  Panicked, but assuming he went home, I returned and found him lazily sitting on the couch.  ”Hey, mom.”  after sitting next to him and talking out how worried I was he replied, “Well, I could have sent you a text from the Ipad, but I am grounded from the Ipad, so I didn’t, but if you unground me, I will let you know next time when I leave.”  Ummm….nice try….guess again.

This morning the kids and I were sitting at the breakfast table having breakfast.  I was working on getting soccer rosters organized and the kids were looking at books.  Jackson happened to be playing with himself as all little boys do.  I casually said to him, “stop playing with your penis” and Lily emphatically replied, “I’m not Momma, I’m not playing with my penis, it’s in my underwear”.  I just about spit eggs all over.

Even in the groggy place between awake and sleep where Mom’s learn to function like first year residents on call we are able to capture the humor in the exchange.  Last night, Lily didn’t sleep well and kept calling for me.  On one such trip in to tuck her back in she was crying and said “Momma, I had a bad idea, it scared me.”  ”Oh, you had a bad dream”, I replied.  ”Yes, a bad idea” she repeated.  I couldn’t help but smile as I hugged her tight and tucked her back in.  She hasn’t been much of a nightmare kid, so this was unusual, but to hear how she felt about it, made me smile.  As I dosed off to sleep. she started calling out again.  My mom, the wisest woman I know, always said the sweetest sound a child makes in the middle of the night is calling out, “Daddy!”.  How true.

In Minnesota, where we used to live, we used to have a weekly BBQ at our house on Wednesday’s called “Why Wait for the Weekend Wednesdays”.  At such there were several givens:

1) The kids would have WAY too much fun under WAY to little supervision

2) Grace would arrive first

3) Dan would bring something from Walmart and claim it “homemade”.  I miss the bean dip and can’t believe you are settling down

4) Angela would bring the newest pasta salad and it would of course have sun dried tomatoes and be AMAZING

5) Tina would hopefully bring the best banana bread I have ever had

So it is with points 4 and 5 that I wistfully write this post.

Last week when we were going through the “you will eat this or be hungry” portion of our dinners, Angela replied to me on Facebook with a recipe she had tried for a goat cheese pasta.  It has been on my list of things to make for a week.  Literally.  I was going to make it Saturday but forgot we had BINGO at the clubhouse (for those of you with Tom’s sense of humor, no we are not 80, and there were a lot of young families there).   Sunday, Tom was writing and we had leftovers, Monday, migraine, ordered Pizza, Tuesday, I had an appointment and Tom was on his own for dinner with the kids, Wednesday, Tom had journal club and I was on my own for dinner with the kids.  So here we are, Thursday, and finally getting around to Goat Cheese and Spinach Pasta.  You can check out the recipe but here is a step by step…sorry, no pics, but wicked easy, one pot, totally changeable to taste, and took about 25 minutes.

1) cook pasta.  I used bow tie but you could use anything.  I think the original recipe had shells, whatever.

2) reserve 2 cups pasta water and drain pasta.

3) in pot you cooked pasta cook down spinach with garlic.  I added some leftover kielbasa that we had to the pot and cooked that with some garlic and a bag of spinach.  Cook until the spinach is wilted.  You could add mushrooms, peppers, onion, chicken, etc at this point.

4) add chopped sun dried tomatoes.  I used half a jar, could have used more.

5) add 1 cups of reserved pasta water, 1/2 cup of sour cream or greek non fat yogurt and 4 oz of goat cheese.  Stir until it becomes a nice melty cream sauce.

6) add pasta to pot and stir to coat.

7) garnish with shredded Parmesan and red pepper flakes, if desired.

I had one dirty pot, one dirty knife, one dirty cutting board, and one colander to wash at the end (and by this I mean, Tom cleaned up)  Still it was super easy, really really good, and both kids ate it without complaining at all.  Jackson even said he couldn’t tell the difference between the sun dried tomatoes and kielbasa it was so good.

Here are some photos of the finished product.  I had a GREAT glass of zinfandel that went well with the goat cheese and smokiness of the kielbasa, but anything would have been good with it.

Likewise, with the banana bread, I don’t have any photos of my doing it.  Now, if I were a less crazy mom at times, I would have hunkered down and called my good friend Tina to get her recipe when I got the craving for it.  But, since I got the craving for it in the middle of the night and then didn’t think about it until nap time for her little one (never mess with a mom during naptime) I turned to Pinterest and looked long and hard for one that looked like her’s did and the recipe had ingredients that made me think of hers.  Don’t believe there is that big a variance of recipes of banana bread, go to Pinterest and see for yourself.  Anyway, you can find the recipe I used here.  It is by a serious foodie, check out her blog, it looks super yummy and I am already compiling ideas.

NOTE:  a double batch did not fit in my kitchen aid 11cup mixer, which I found out the hard way.  I had to hand mix the rest in the largest bowl I had, which still wasn’t quite large enough.  A double batch probably could have made five regular sized loaf pans, but I did it in four and had them overflow a smidgen.

Give both recipes a try and have a fabulous meal! And yes, Jenny, there is a loaf coming to work tomorrow.  :)

It has been 6 days since I have posted my latest post and several people have asked, “what have you been up to?”  Here’s what.  Lily is potty training.  For those of you out there who have been through the routine (or lack there of) of potty training a small child (or in some cases a puppy) you know EXACTLY what I mean.  You disappear, become invisible, and shrink away from the world.  For those of you who have never has the pleasure, it is like this.  Imagine sitting on the ground next to the toiler (only in this case it is not induced by an alcohol binge).  You sit there with another humans naked body inches from your face, hoping that when the inevitable stream comes, your child leans forward to keep you dry.  And instead of reading a book or magazine or listening to your own music, you are singing a song or reading a short story over and over and over and over and over again because that is what said child wants to do while they wait to “push some peepee or poopy out”.  And you sit so long that you, the parent, eventually has to pee, but for fear of missing the window of your child’s pee, you hold it.

On a positive note, since Saturday, Lily has been in underwear (not to be confused with panties or underpants, or undies, because she WILL correct you) and has had no more than two accidents a day.   Yay!!!  However, she has this neat trick…as all kids do…of crying and protesting the potty when she needs it the most.  Most accidents happen within ten minutes of an absolute meltdown of “I don’t want to go potty, I don’t need to, I don’t want to be in underwear, I want a pull-up, I am a little girl!, etc”  Followed by the horror that ensues when she does in fact have an accident.   The two that were the worst was 1) when she peed on the brand new carpet in the media center at Jackson’s school.  The librarian was very kind about it and when I let her know I cleaned it up with carpet cleaner and all she explained that it was nice of me to do, but she hadn’t located the spot yet where the first grader peed earlier this week (No, it wasn’t Jackson) and 2) when she pooped in her underwear and when I was telling Tom about it, he said, “well that’s ok” followed immediately with (and the words were the exact same in my head and the exact same time), “says the person who didn’t have to clean it up”.  So there you have, that’s where I was.

Until we get things all ironed out, posts might be fewer and farther between.