I am your run of the mill stay-at-home mom, except for I never thought I would be one.  For most of my life, I routinely asked my own stay-at-home mother, “what is it you do all day, and aren’t you bored?”  Well, now I know. She did A LOT.  Wasn’t always noticeable and certainly wasn’t appreciated for even a tenth of what it was worth.

Here I am now, at home for “gulp”, almost 5 years.  I think back to one day in the first couple of months.  Jackson was 2 1/2.  Tom had just started his residency and wasn’t home much.  Jackson and I would wake shortly after 7, which apparently is late in the at home mom life.  By the time we would amble out to the kitchen after catching some PBS it was nearly 8 and we would be working on breakfast.  I remember standing at my kitchen sink, looking out at the beautiful summer morning in Minnesota (insert snow joke in July here), and the moms across the street had already opened their garages, pulled out what looked like a toys r us worth of toys into the yard and were enjoying their time in lawn chairs drinking something (at the time I thought lemonade or tea, but having served time at home now, I assume it was vodka spiked juice boxes).  Between them there were so many kids I couldn’t count (actually 7 with one on the way).  My mouth dropped open thinking there had to be more than unloading the garage worth of toys for the entire day.  It took me 14 months until my own garage was fully unloaded by 8:30am and I was at peace with it.

To get there though, I went through my fair share of trials.  Tom returned home one day to find me sitting on the rug in the kitchen, looking exhausted, crying (something I think he had seen me do 4 times before in 6 years) with Jackson having spread every cookie cutter, pot, pan, refrigerator magnet, and cooking utensil across the kitchen.  I think he was playing with playdoh on the floor when Tom walked in.  It was a low.  I was convinced I couldn’t do it and that I was better off going back to work.  That for the sake of my child, he needed more than I could give.  Any mother, whether a stay at home or working mother, has had this thought.  It is part of parenting and mothering.  So I offer you this; my confessions as a stay-at-home mom.